One day in August 2009, I went home to my empty flat, after getting off the bus, and the bus driving saying, "When is the baby due?". I was wearing a sort of neon pink floaty top, I didn't think it made me look pregnant at all, but he seemed to. My ex was out, as usual, he never used to come home, even though we had out own place.
I just felt tears coming to my eyes as I walked down behind the houses to the entrance to my flat, I was rushing trying to get back as soon as possible, I knew I was about to erupt. I got in and just cried, I was crying for HOURS AND HOURS, I just couldn't stop crying. I needed someone to hold me and tell me it would all be ok, but there was no one there, I had no friends that even lived near me to ask for help, I was literally alone! I text my Ex asked him to come home, he wouldn't.
I felt like I was the only person in the world to be going through this, I felt like it was the end, I felt like I had no choice but to end my life, but I didn't, as that would be silly. (I didn't even try or do anything, just the thought was there I felt so low, I am just trying to explain how low and bad I felt on this day).
I went on Facebook, and set up a group for my condition, I was searching for ages to see if I could find ANYONE, but i found nothing, so I posted this on a random group page, I think it was called Intersex, but I had to find someone, just one person!
I also emailed AISSG, just as I felt so alone, I had never messaged them before, but I needed something to make me feel better, to make me feel like I wasn't the only person in the world, I knew there had to be other people out there, but finding them was the hard bit!
At around midnight that night I got a reply from AISSG, it felt so nice just to hear back from someone.
Here is the email I originally sent!
Hello my name is Imogen Callaway i am 19 years old, i live in cornwall, i was diagnosed just under 2 years ago, i feel so alone and need someone to talk to, anyone thats close to my age, i lost all my friends because i thought i could trust them, and now ive only got my boyfriend, i feel so alone, i have no one to talk to, is there anyone that can help?
Thank you so much i just hope i can get someone to talk to???
Now I am obviously a lot better, I have never felt that low ever again, I just saw that picture and wanted to share with you my little story!
Have a nice Thursday!
Love, love, love that you have shared your initial feelings. I am so proud of you for reaching out. That event has caused a domino effect which was so very positive. Instead of women looking up their condition and finding negatives, they are able to find positives in little videos about all of the wonderful aspects of having a condition called AIS. A girl can see that they have the perfect genetic condition. If she has to have one...if it is somehow "meant to be", she has the perfect one. She is not mentally challenged, nor have obvious disfigured hands or feet. She is able to walk, talk and care for herself for the rest of her life and not be placed in an institution as her parents age due to inability to be independent.
ReplyDeleteShe can choose if she wishes to disclose her condition. The choice is hers.
Your videos on YouTube teaches that yes there are challenging times ahead, but she will face those times with no monthly mess and a lifetime of gorgeous skin.
You may never know how many young women and girls will benefit from finding you and your story. They are doing that initial search about a condition which is now confirmed to be their diagnosis.
Instead of seeing the clinical, often overwhelming, perhaps confusing, multi layered formal website, they find a beautiful young woman from the UK...holding up hand drawn cards explaining all positive things and who is approachable for anyone who may wish to write.
Thank you so much for all you have done to bring your condition to the light. I hope you always continue to encourage and teach to embrace AIS and celebrate AIS. It is not a condition of shame and non-disclosure, hush-hush and 'don't tell for the child's benefit' as once believed in years past.
You have created a place on Facebook to share thoughts and feelings as well as to provide a soft, safe place to land for those who just need a little comfort and reassurance.
I give my sincere thanks for the transparency into your life for the purpose of others to have improvement of their lives. I thank you in advance for those who seek information now, and for the countless whom may seek information in the future.
Thank you Chromedragonfly x
ReplyDeleteThis is a lovely post Imy, Its soo nice to see your history.
ReplyDeleteremember that you are able to look back now and smile.
xxx
Oh Imy you are such a wonderful, brave, human being. You have so much strength and courage.
ReplyDeleteBasically you rock!! Don't ever let anyone else make you feel otherwise.
If you ever need a friend just email me hun. I know how you feel. I was a size 8 my whole life....2 kids later & i still look pregnant. I'm trying to get back the 'old me' but it's hard. I've had a few arsholes too before i found 'the one'. I too don't have any friends yet as we've just moved to new area & it's hard to meet people when i'm a busy mum of 2. If you need a friend i'm here, take care sweetie xxxx
ReplyDelete