As you all know i like to write about things that have happended to me in my life every so often, this started when i was in school as every girl was starting their period!
When i was about 14, I started to get an eating disorder, i was living off 2 packets of crisps, a few bottles of water and one proper main meal a day, I was never hungry always felt sick, it was horrible!
In the last year of school teachers started asking me what was wrong, and trying to get me to drink those milkshakes that help you gain weight, trying to talk to me, just trying to get me to fix the problem, i carried on like this for ages, every so often i would have a few days where i would eat alot but not often, i always felt ill, sick.
Then just after i started college i met Martin, my eating started to pick up, food didnt scare me as much. I ate so much i had not eaten in years, i was just actually eating 3 meals a day and more! Actually getting enough calories for once! I dont know what it is about him but he is the only thing that stops me from eating like i used too, when ever I am away from him i don't eat, there is just something about him that reminds me to eat. I just seem to not be able to my brain just wont let me, I hate it!
After we had been together I went to the doctors as i hadn't started my periods (you all know that story) and they originally thought it was because i was under weight, well under weight, but they still did the test anyway.
Recently, like when i went to Brussels, all the food was made for us, no choice in what we got, it was either Veggie or Meat eater. When i get food put down in front of me i feel a sence of panic, the second course was Rice!! I can't eat rice, it makes me sick, but i pushed it around my plate i ate tiny bits i just struggled so much! It really scares me when something is put down for me to eat and i just really feel like i am going to panic. I hate it!
I have been struggling recently as well, since i had a really bad stomach from having a Chocolate moose with Coffee in it, (well caffeine) I have felt rough, i've not been able to eat, i've been too scared.
I don't really know how to finish this off, other then Thank you for reading.
{{hugs}}
ReplyDeleteBless you, take care of yourself. Big higs xxx
ReplyDeleteOh Imy... <3 The one thing I have learned in my own struggles is that you have to find a reason to eat for yourself because only you can really look out for yourself. You have to be accountable to only yourself because, when it comes down to it, you're the one who has to face the struggle and you're the only one who can make the safe and right decisions. And no matter what, you have to stick to it. Whether it's writing down meal plans every day in your FiloFax or setting alarm reminders on your phone, you have to set up your world so that you won't forget, and always keep snacks with you so you never have an excuse to tell yourself "I don't have anything to eat right now." Don't give up! There is life outside eating disorders!
ReplyDeletemore hugs and something else that we seem to have in common i have struggled with eating disorders since i was about 15, it comes and goes depending on how i feel. Most of the time i love food but when im stressed or unhappy i dont eat at all, last year i lost 3 stone in 3 months because i was so stressed and unhappy or i just have it in my head im fat (i know im not as whatever size i am i think im fat whether its a 6 or a 12 its just something that stays in my head), and like you my partner keeps me more stable with my eating habits as he makes me happy and whenever i have one of those days he encourages me to eat with him (he gets upset with me if i dont), but it does rear its head occasionally for instance in the last 2 days i have only had 1 meal (and a small one at that). The only problem i have regularly is that i have to cook all meat and chicken myself i wont touch it from outside unless its from one of two places i have been going to for more than 10yrs and i cant abide fat on anything just the sight makes me queasy, but i know you are having problems at the moment and thats why this is coming up at the moment, but i have been mentally in a lot of bad places in my life so when you need to vent to someone who understands a bit of what you are going through just mail me. Am going to send you a email later all filofax related i had a haul @ neal st.
ReplyDeleteHi Imy
ReplyDeleteI find rice boring to eat too, so you aren't alone there. What I find that makes it more acceptable to eat is to mix in the vegetables or a little dash of tomato ketchup mixed in with it.
If I'm cooking it myself I cook it with peas and the two textures and tastes I find make a nice contrast.
I don't know what you eat in a typical day, but you should try to eat a fairly balanced diet as much as you can. Some fruit.
There were quite a few things I never eat as a kid that I eat now. Some because they didn't exist (remember it was back in the dark ages!) but my food tastes have changed over the years.
So try something new every month or so, you might discover things you didn't realised you enjoyed.
Do you cook a lot yourself? I don't hate cooking, but there have been times that by the time I've finished cooking something for myself I've gone off the idea of eating it!
May be you just need a new approach, I'm sure there will be someone within our community who can give you some better advice than me...
Take care
Steve
aw, Imy. I'm sorry you're not feeling so great about things lately. I've always been (what other people call) a picky eater. Hey, I like what I like, you know? I don't like rice, either, unless it's covered with some Chinese food to disguise it. Hang in there, girl!
ReplyDeleteOh Imy I didnt know you had problems with eating. I agree with Azizah that you have to find a reason to eat for yourself. I get really sick if I have any caffeine too so I avoid it as much as possible, unless I am in a really boring conference! Do you think an eating diary/filofax would help?
ReplyDelete