I know everyone has regrets but I have one HUGE regret, one that affects my every day life, one that makes me feel so crap, tired and awful that I wish I could turn back time!
I wish I had never had my Gonads removed, you can read more about it here!
When i was originally told about it they made it sounds as if I don't have the operation I will get cancer, which now i know that it is as much of a risk as getting breast cancer, so when am i having my whole breasts removed? Or shall i just kill myself now to reduce the risk of cancer, they might as well just said that. (Don't worry I'm not suicidal).
They just scared a 16 year old in to believing she should have them removed, and EVERY day i regret it.
Before the operation they don't say, if you have this operation you will always feel tired, you will need the HRT otherwise you will feel crap, but the HRT doesn't make you feel the same, it does not give you energy or make you feel like a normal person like REAL hormones do!
They just don't want people walking around with the wrong sex organs and that is the truth! THEY DO NOT LIKE IT!
I feel so annoyed at myself that I even had the operation as it really has just made every day awful, I don't have the same energy as a normal 21 year old, I can't do the things i could before, I just do not have the same ENERGY! I know I am older now but I'm not old enough to worry about things like this!
If you didn't notice I'm a little annoyed with the whole thing.
Please give me a rewind button just to not have the operation and these scars on my stomach then let me come back to the present day!
And all my tiredness is all to do with the hormones, they can try until their blue in the face to get the balance right but its never going to make me feel the better!
So what is YOUR biggest regret?!
Imy, I am so sorry. How horrible they did not discuss with you all of your options and made you feel like that was the only one. Such a huge life-changing thing.
ReplyDeleteI try to live my life without regrets but I do have one. When I was in graduate school, one of my professors called me in to her office to talk. She had my paper I wrote for her class. She told me I am an excellent writer, in particular a very good science writer. She encouraged me to go talk to a professor in the journalism school who taught science writing.
At the time that professor was away on sabbatical, and when she came back a few months later I didn't go see her. That was a time when I was very down on my writing because one of my advisers was giving me a hard time about it. (Turned out she just didn't understand my topic in any depth.) I convinced myself I didn't want to be a professional writer because I didn't want to constantly be under deadlines and have people criticize my writing every day. So, I never did go see that professor.
I'm very angry with myself for not at least going to talk to her and find out more about it. I missed an opportunity to have a real career for myself. I could be writing about science from anywhere in the world. Now that my kids are both in school, I could be writing full time and having a real income.
Don't get me wrong, I love my life. I remind myself that if I'd done science writing then I would not have done other things I've done in my life. But I wish I had taken the opportunity to find out, even if I had chosen later not to do it after all.
Laurie - Thanks
ReplyDeleteI think i will probably have alot of career regrets when I’m older, as there are so many things i would love to do just don’t either have the balls (I literally don’t as they were removed haha) or want to move to where i would have to go!
What is/was your career? Sorry I cant remember.
Thanks Laurie and Imy for sharing your experiences. Imy I understand your anger as they really should have given you all the options so that you could have made an informed decision. Instead you were pointed in one direction!
ReplyDeleteI think I regret not learning to drive earlier in the UK (Trinidad was just impossible) and not learning to swim. Both things can be remedied and I am working on the first! Otherwise I don't have any major regrets.
Imy I've done loads of different jobs, some science and some not. But we've moved 25 times in 20 years and it's pretty impossible to create a career like that. I keep thinking if I had done science writing I could have done it with my nomadic lifestyle and had an actual career, or at least steady income, for myself.
ReplyDeleteImy, thanks for sharing this. I didn't know the link between having your operation and the HRT and your tiredness, etc. I'm perimenopausal and with the hot flashes, exhaustion and other crap that brings, I understand a little bit what you're experiencing. If you hadn't had the operation, was the only "down" side the risk (slight, as you say) of cancer? That's sad that you weren't informed of ALL the aspects of your decision.
ReplyDeleteAre there any alternatives to the HRT you're taking that might be more effective?
Oh Imy, I'm so sorry you had to go through all that : ( But I think you have wonderful "energy" even if you don't feel like you have enough energy!
ReplyDeleteI try not to think in terms of regrets, but I do have one. A big one. At one point in my life I was privileged to be with the love of my life. I was SO happy. He was everything I wanted in a man. But I let my fear & insecurity run rampant and, long story short, I blew it. A leap of faith was required and I simply was too scared to take it. I don't believe in fairy tales, but I had as close as I believe it's possible to come. And I blew it. It still makes me cry to think about it and it was a looooong time ago.
I try to look at it and say "at least I got to have that level of love & happiness in my life" (because I'm sure some people don't ever have it) and most days that is enough.
But if you ask about regrets...losing him is mine.
Oh Imy, from your tweets, you always seem so full of life and energy (and I'm sure you will also be in person too in November hopefully hehe) that reading this made me sad. Sad that you weren't given the bigger picture of the 'choice' you were given :( I mean, you were only 16 at the time and the fact that the doctor didn't try and explain the impact the operation would have.
ReplyDeleteI don't think I've got a major regret yet. There are small things like working through things with a bf instead of ending it and seeking help for depression sooner but I'd like to think that I've learnt from a few of these regrets...
Hi Imy - I was very sad to read about this - when you are just 16 you should have a lot more responsible advice than this. I have gone through the menopause so have some idea of what you are talking about - although in your case I imagine that it was a sudden change.
ReplyDeleteMy regrets are two:
1. I would like to have had children - my OH didn't want any so we didn't. I did subsequently learn that I would have had real difficulty carrying one to full term and that it may well have not happened - but even so I wish ...
2. This is one you can do and I can't any longer - I read when I was much younger that if you invest £1 a day from when you are in your early twenties, with compound interest you will be a millionaire by the time you are 60. Now I know the interest rates are rubbish just now, but they won't always be. My advice would be to do this and see where it takes you. It's reasonably affordable and it can build up quite quickly - however you must not touch it at all until you are 60! I've always been rubbish with money and wish I had been more sensible or better advised over the years.