My Androgen Insensitivity life in Videos so far.....

I made all these videos around a year ago, all to do with my condition, and I just wanted to share them all with you to give you some nice evening watching!

First of all to be positive i will start with the good points!

Here is a bit of my story

Here is about my experiences with HRT

Here is my small amount of experience with bullying

And finally me asking questions about periods, as i have never had them...

My eyes look nice in that one!

But it has been a hard struggle and it always will be hard for me...

I just wanted to show you a little bit of what i have been through!

Operation Before my Birthday

After I was given a diagnosis I had to go and get an MRI scan, I was so scared about it, as I thought it was only for use with brain scans, I was in tears in the changing room, Martin was there to help me, they laid me down on the machine, with martin sitting behind me, and put some earphones on me.

The played the magic numbers through the earphones, I had never really listened to them, and I didn’t realize how depressing their songs are, I was lying there being told to breath in and out and hold it.

After that finished we left, I have a blank spot in my memory, I don’t remember anything until a couple of weeks before my operation.

I remember them giving me the option for surgery or to keep them in, but there was a 10% or something cancer risk if I didn’t have them removed, but then now I found out it’s a similar percentage to breast cancer, so I didn’t really need the operation as much as it seemed at first.

(be aware there will be some graphic pictures below)

So the day before my operation we went up to London, I had to go straight to the hospital, I was absolutely terrified as the next day I had to have an operation I was so scared that I would never be able to cuddle martin again and that I wouldn’t survive, I know that’s a bit over dramatic but I had never had an operation and I was terrified.

The next morning I was told that my operation would be sometime today, so I had to be ready to go down, so she gave me some of those tights socks, and the gowns, she gave me two though as they are open at the back. One to wear as a dressing gown, the other to wear as a gown.

The nurse came and said its time to go down now, so she walked me and Martin down to the waiting room before going in to be anaesthetized (I don’t know if that is the right word) so they called me in, I was nearly in tears I was terrified, they got me to lie down on the bed and Martin was aloud to stay at the end, I was just looking at him trying not to cry thinking about how much he means to me, and how much I love him.

He held on to my toes as they put me to sleep, I just remember seeing his face and just feeling so sad.

I don’t know how long it was or how long I was under, I woke up in the resus room not really with it, I saw Martin and said I love you.

After all I can remember is, you know in horror movies in hospitals when they show you the lights whizzing over you as your lying in a hospital bed, well that’s how I felt.

I woke up a few times whilst I was coming around, I woke up around 4 hours later I was sort of ok, but I kept being sick, I wasn’t even drinking I was just being sick every 10 – 15 minutes, to help with this they gave me some anti sickness drugs, the first lot did nothing, so they gave me more.

Martin had to leave and I hated the fact that as he left all he saw was me being sick.

The next day I woke up as the anti sickness knocked me out a bit, I slept quite well!

They had a sort of school thing in the hospital as I was 18 in a week they still put me on the children’s ward. They had a string cortet (is that right?) come in form the BBC Proms to play for us. Really not my sort of thing but they made me go to watch it!

Then my mum thought it would be fun to go to the school sort of place, to make a box in the shape of a book, well cover it in these pictures of DNA.

I had to eat something though as I had not eaten anything since my operation as I was being sick, so I had to eat crackers and walk around the hospital before they would discharge me as we had to catch the train back that night.

Luckly I did eat enough and was ok to catch the train. We caught a taxi to get to the train station and bought some food before getting on the train, my mum didn’t want me to have any food on the train as she was scared I would be sick, but I knew I wouldn’t.

In the end she let me have some food, it was the most uncomfortable journey of my life!

Martin later told me that he was crying outside whilst waiting for me in the operation, and a nurse was comforting him as he was so upset.

Here are some pictures from this part:

What they were taking out!

 

After the op

Went to London to buy a heat magazine! HEHE

So more to come soon!

Sorry if I have put you off your lunch!

Have a nice weekend!

WEIGHT AND BABY PANIC

When I was in school, I always thought I was going to be one of those girls who gets pregnant after school, even though I always used protection, I just felt that unlucky.

I hadn’t started my periods at all, but I was just under the impression that it was all because I was underweight.

I had quite a few teachers telling me I needed to gain weight and telling me to drink these special milkshakes to help you gain weight. I just didn’t have an appetite, I just never really ate, a typical days food would be, breakfast - plain crisps, lunch – water, or a cookie if I felt adventurous, tea – peas, or if I was out for the evening (which was a lot) nothing. I went on eating like this for a long time, I don’t remember how long really, it didn’t seem to affect me. I know that I was under eating a lot, but not on purpose. If my mum cooked a proper meal (she did most nights) I would have some but only a small portion.

Then after we left school, about a month after I went to college, I met Martin, and started eating, for some reason being with him has helped me eat, I'm still not a very good eater by any means (but this isn’t part of the story), 6 months later I had to go to the doctors as my periods hadn’t started, I had this lovely doctor she was softly spoken and so nice to talk to.

I had a few tests and was referred to the hospital to have a Ultra Sound, now at least I will know how it feels to have one thing from pregnancy. In the ultra sound, they looked at me funny, and told me to drink more water, which I did, and had to wait, they scanned me again, and still nothing.

 I went to see this doctor, the was a gyne, she only let me go into the room with her, not my boyfriend not my mum, I asked it I could have them as it was obviously going to be bad news!

She sat me down (ALONE) and told me I was born without a womb, ovaries and had XY chromosomes. I could not have children, and I would never have a period. And the final thing she told me was I have testies inside me.

As she was saying all this her head was getting bigger and smaller, you know that thing when you hear your pulse and you feel like your about to have a panic attack or something, well that’s how I was feeling at the very moment she told me all that, I didn’t really hear any of it.

You don’t realise how much you want your OWN children until you are told you cant have any and at the age of 16, its not very nice.

Now that’s all for that for today, another extract another day!

I was thinking on the bus about the things that I really will miss about not having my own children (as I would only have a child if I got pregnant by accident). And I came up with the following things: -

• Giving her, her first Pink Personal Finsbury Filofax. (I even decided the one to give her)
• Platting her hair before she goes for her first day of school.
• Taking her shopping in Harrods and Benneton for clothes (yes I would be rich in this world haha)
• Having a spar day
• Having mummy and daughter days out.

There are just so many things.

And the one thing that I hate the most, I can never feel a child growing inside me, feel it kicking, just have all that.

Anyway after depressing you, I hope you enjoy your days.